Girls are from Venus, Boys are from Jupiter

Father-daughter relationships and father-son relationships differ greatly. This is because boys and girls are innately pyscologically different. Even if sons and daughters experience similar struggles, the way they respond are distinctive. In the two stories we read this week, "Shooting Dad" and "Arm Wrestling with my Father", it was apparent that both the protagonists struggled to accept their parent's ideologies. In the end both families reconciled, but each did so differently. In “Shooting Dad” Vowell suddenly comes to the realization that she has much in common with her father. During her youth, her and her father’s political ideology were so opposed that parts of their home had to be sanctioned as “DMZs” (153). As she grew up she gained interest in becoming a “better daughter” (155). And so, she attempted to reconcile their relationship by taking the initiative to participate in activities her father enjoyed- anything with guns. In comparison, in “Arm Wrestling with my Father” Manning confesses that he had to “assume” that his father loved him, because his father never expressed it verbally (145). Their communication was solely “physical” (145). As Manning grew older he no longer felt the need to compete. He grew stronger as his father grew weaker. However, years later father and son returned to the same activity. As they arm wrestled Manning realized that the match represented a rite of passage. When he beat his father he would become the patriarch of the family.  These two stories highlight an important difference between boys and girls. Vowell, the female, chooses to reconcile her relationship by changing herself. On the other had, Manning, the male, choose to overcome his struggle by taking his father’s position. Men have the desire to prove themselves, while women will adapt to their surroundings. 

A Girl of Only 21

The rolling clouds have stopped 

And, the winds continuous whistle has silenced.

A girl of only 21 stands and stares at the scene behind her

Even on this dreary day the sounds of the last laugh

And the whispers of the last gossip of hang in the air.

Two young women have cleverly set shop.

The ephemeral scents of the rose and lilies

Titillate the emotions of the surrounding people.

In her billowing white dress the woman stands motionless

As she observes those around her 

The past will never come back

And the future will never arrive

For the present is eternal

Her carefully carved neck holds her head high

She wants to cry as she witnesses the joy of another couple

The man has just returned from war

His pride for his country is shown on the uniform he still wears

He stands opposite his female friend

Not too far; but close enough to rekindle their feelings

And the lady in the white dress-

With her craned neck-

Watches, her fleeting intrusion in the couple's private moment

Becomes permanent. A snapshot of time.

Her yearning is apparent; Her slightly turned hands,

And her slightly bowed face.

Her hat covers her eyes. Those eyes-

That if one could see- would reveal

All the secrets of this young girl of 21

Her heart is empty only to be filled

By the same man who will accept her roses

But, when will he come?

Will he ever come?

Poor child, the thorns of the roses

Will forever prick her heart

As she waits to greet her husband

Her head will always look back

Because, for her, 

There is nothing to look forward to.

Mom, Why Can't I Sleep?

There exists a plethora of stories telling the tales of hardship and success of coming to a new country. Many first generation immigrants share similar experiences, but only few are able to become successful. In Amy Tan’s narrative “Fish Cheeks” she recounts the troubles of being a first generation American-born immigrant. She stresses how hard it is to be proud of her Chinese “manners” in the company of an American, especially that of a boy she likes. Her parents confidently embrace their traditional “customs” because it is their way of holding on to their fond memories. However, for Amy she has no connection to China other than through her parents. This puts her in an uncomfortable position. She does not know which culture she truly belongs to, either the one she was born into or the one she was born from.

Many children today are in the same position as Amy is. It is a unique situation to each person, ironically. Each first generation child has their own battle they must struggle with against their parents. For me, it is having my parents understand how I spend my time. My parents were born and raised in India. Due to their limited financial resources, education was highly stressed at home. To study, they were taught to write and rewrite the same facts till they were engrained in their memory. This is different than how we learn today. For me, I have to learn how to balance my academics with my extracurricular activities. Today, my parents have provided me with more opportunities than they were ever afforded. It upsets them to see me sleep in or watch television. My parents pester me to wake up and do something productive. Because of changing circumstances it is hard for my parents and I to see eye to eye on this issue. This, I feel, is a common experience for many people because of the cultural divide that exists. Amy reveals at the end of her narrative that later in life she comes to appreciate her mother’s message; I, too, know that I will eventually understand my parents’ reasons. It is because they truly want what is best for me. Hard work and capitalizing on ever opportunity has worked for them, so they want to prove to my sister and I that we too can follow the “Indian” way and succeed.

My Perception, Your Identity

Identity and perception are not synonymous. Most people tend to be their harshest critics. They label themselves as too skinny or too fat; too dumb or too nerdy. Most of these self-criticisms are inaccurate and can lead to psychological and emotional consequences. In Mair's piece "Disability", she highlights that the way people perceive disabled people is demeaning. She, a person afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis, states that the way others perceive her is in a very condescending manner. She knows she walks differently, but otherwise she feels like a typical American. The discrepancy in the perception of disabled people by society and their self-perception underscores a societal problem. She asserts that many people today are afflicted with disabilities, or they soon will be. These people, who she calls “Temporarily Abled Persons”, will soon join the “majority”. She presents this as a stage in life- something inevitable. Because of this, she argues that we as a society should be more accepting of disabled people. This way the disabled person does not feel isolated. Furthermore, when the abled people evenutally becomes disabled, they too will feel accepted in society. We, as a society, must learn to perceive others the way they identify themselves.